February 27, 2005
February 18, 2005
February 16, 2005
Mendy
Greenleigh makes a claim about how history should be taught to teenagers without needlessly distilling moral lessons from historical events. While this may or may not be a valid claim to make, Greenleigh fails to back his claim appropriately. To support his claim he quotes Joe McCarthy, but never states who Joe McCarthy is. Greenleigh assumes his audience, UT students, knows who Joe McCarthy is. When using a quote it is beneficial to state who the person is and why they are a creditable source to quote on the topic you are trying prove to your audience. Joe McCarthy was a senator who fought Communism in the United States and the term McCarthyism comes from his name. He had nothing to do with textbooks or the SBoE. So the students who know who Joe McCarthy is might find that he is an inappropriate historical figure to quote. To further argue his claim he states that we should not condone the actions of American heroes such as Rosa Parks, or Texas legends such as Stephen F. Austin. Is Greenleigh stating that our new textbooks will condone these figures actions? While he never states that, he seems to be implying it. Most Americans today know these two important figures in History. Do you really think the Republicans would condone their actions in history textbook? Don't you think there would be a public outcry? Implying such a bold statement without facts to back the statement makes the author lose credibility with his audience.
When writing a persuasive paper, the writer should try to make his paper flow by using correct grammar and paragraph syntax. Greenleigh seems to of missed this concept completely. If he would have read through his paper more thoroughly I think he might of noticed that he spelled Stephen F Austin's name incorrectly. He spells Stephen with a "v" as well as a "ph" in the same paragraph. Greenleigh also fails to be clear and concise. His sentences seem to be long and hard to follow. He also has several run-ons that would have been more effective if broken apart. He misused many adjectives as well. In one sentence he states that Texas has the second biggest textbook market in the U.S. How can a textbook market be "big?" I believe he meant largest textbook market in the U.S. There is also several verbs that don't agree with the plural or singular subject. Subject verb agreement is taught in the sixth grade in all Texas public schools. What does this do to the author's credibility? Would you believe an author was a good writer and researcher if he can correct elementary grammar and spelling mistakes? Lastly, the articles syntax fails to keep the flow of the article. When Greenleigh makes his claims, his supporting material can be found in other paragraphs. Instead of keeping all the related material together in one paragraph, he breaks it into two or three paragraphs. You will also notice his negligence to use topic sentences as well as closing statements. There is very little flow from one paragraph to the next. It is hard to follow an author's points in an article when the topics change so abruptly.
February 14, 2005
Sex-ed paragraph
Apparently, the author thinks that the State Board of Education is lacking in textbooks that "properly" educate children. The author even goes so far to say that students are being "brainwashed" by the conservative textbooks. It may be true that our textbooks may be more conservative than other state's books. However, I have seen many students come out of Texas schools with very liberal views. The term brainwashing is simply too harsh, because students aren't influenced by just books, but teachers, parents, etc.
The author suggests that kids have not been taught in a non-biased atmosphere. In some cases this may be the truth with a very liberal, or very conservative teacher. However, in my experience, I had some teachers who would give their slanted opinion; and most of my other teachers would give the facts. They would then allow us to decide on which side of an issue to take. To back up his statement the author should consider polling both students and teachers, to see what is really being taught in the classrooms.
This paragraph on sex education is by far his strongest, but it is still faulty in some ways. The SBoE does have a-lot of contraceptive devices that are mentioned, but I agree with the author, instructions on their use should be provided. The author's comment on how the state stresses abstinence, and that they should keep their opinions to themselves is well founded. I say this because who knows what a kid's moral code is, and that should come from outside the school. Let's face it, not all education can or should come from school alone.
The assumption that the author makes about an abstinence only education is obviously false. He just stated in the previous paragraph that at least some safe sex education was included. However, I again agree with his statement on how contraceptive instruction should be given. The author's fact about Texas having the fifth highest teen-pregnancy rate also helps his argument about improper sex-ed. It would have been much more helpful if these kind of facts were presented throughout the argument.
False Assumptions/Claims
Over the course of this article, Ian makes amny false asumptions and claims that may hinder his ability to be credible. When writing an essay or something that is supposed to convince people to think a certain way, or move people to action, one must make claims that are believable. "Now, with renewed support from our Republican-held Texas legislature, this band of fiercely partisan right-wingers will once again, quite literally, write history with their huge buying power to pressure publishers into offering books that satiate their appetite for propoganda, and dutifully shield our little boys and girls from anti-Christian, Communist theories such as evolution." In this sentence, Greenleigh makes the Republicans that run Congress in the state of Texas seem like they are all extreme right-wingers who want nothing more than to influence the young children of Texas into believing the same as they do. This claim is amde really by his word choice in the quote above. But then Greenleigh goes on to say that these elected officials are actually "brainwashing" children through these textbooks.
Another faulty claim that Greenleigh makes is that teachers are all biased in the state of Texas. Here he tries to bring a past experience into the paper to add credibility, hoping that the audience can realate to having a biased teacher in the past. "Students should be able to consider all sides of an issue", when dealing with controversial issues that the general adult public struggle with from day to day. Greenleigh could have used better word choice maybe to re-word this paragraph to not make it seem that all teachers embrace their political views in their lesson plans. This may work for the given audience who from what one can observe, is bitter toward right sided politics. So the language against it in his arguments helps draw the audience in more.
Towards the end of the paper Greenleigh makes more false assumptions. To the objective reader, these charges would be discarded in the readers mind. But, with the given audience these biases may not be seen fully. Greenleigh begins talking about the SBoE and makes correlations between them and Joe McCarthy, the man who was responsible for the red scare in the 1950's. This can bring down the SBoE to his level by relating the two on commonground. He then assumes because of this, f the SBoE, we should not condone "Rosa Parks, or Texas legends such as Steven F. Austin" because they might lead to "civil disorder, social strife, or disregard the law." More radical claims include separating water fountains at the University of Texas, and that the history books they condone make our young Americans into "submissive drones". Overall, all of his claims to the average person may seem farfettched, but to the suggested audience, a liberal student body who probly resent the high school system (since most of the UT population is from Texas) these claims and assumptions may not be too far off in their minds. Also, another thing to look at is that the students reading this probly won't question his credibility since most of them agree with him. The readers who will question it will be the ones who oppose his views in this essay.